good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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