Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
