apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
