woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
