Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
