Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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