ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
