Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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