I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
