I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
