You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
