Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
