I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
