I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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