We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
please come you make the beer taste better
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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