using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
