So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
