I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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