You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
