I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
