Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
