Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
