Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
