you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize