I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
