I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
