then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
