You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
