You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I haven't been this sober since birth.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize