Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
