Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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