i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
