Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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