How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize