Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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