We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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