Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
