so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize