If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
