I wannas sexs uuuuu
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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