Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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