If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize