some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
