yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
