Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
