I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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