i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
