Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
no, he came in my armpit
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
