All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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