i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
