There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
