Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
