I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize