dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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