Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
