Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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