My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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