So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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