Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
