I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
