i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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