I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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