Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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