and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize