You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
