im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
