yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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