not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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