btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
