i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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