dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
