that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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