I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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