My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
