ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
