Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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