Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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