and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
