Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
