Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
