omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
