just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
