Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
A+ Viking dick
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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