His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
