that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
