Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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