I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
