I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
