my vag is so smooth its legendary
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
