Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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