I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
