I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
