I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
