you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
