Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
