That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it glows. i had to have it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
