We're like a lot better than the average bears
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
