I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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