That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize