we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
